Journey is just beginning...

(I wrote this post on January 16th, right after my first Healthy Balance class.)

Today I am beginning a journey. I have taken this journey many times before. But I hope to not have to take this journey again in the future. I really hope that this is the time that I make the choice to change. 

I am overweight. I have struggled with my weight ever since puberty.  Food is my drug of choice. And I am addicted. Through and through. Addicted.  I think about food from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed. When I wake up I think about breakfast. After breakfast I think about lunch. After lunch I need a snack. After snack I'm thinking what am I going to make for dinner. After dinner I'm thinking what am I going to have for dessert. Addicted.

Every other time that I have tried to lose weight I have done it with very little motivation other than the view in the mirror.  This time my motivation is strong. This time it is a selfish reason other than the view in the mirror. This time it is to be able to watch my boys grow up.  

This time there is also a motivation that is not selfish.  This time I cannot begin to imagine my boys not having their mother around. They would be devastated. And as much as I try to protect them from anything that could harm them, I cannot imagine the harm they would feel without their Mommy. I am doing this for them as well.

I am starting a healthy balance class at Kaiser.  It is similar to weight watchers in that there is a class you attend every week with the same people in it to help motivate each other. You weigh in at the beginning and then you have the class. I am attending the class with a coworker in the hopes that we can motivate each other at work as well. 

I am committed to making this change. I am committed to not focusing on the food. I am committed to not feeling like I am missing out on anything by not having dessert every minute. I am committed to doing this for me and for my boys. 

Starting weight : 250.36

Date: January 16, 2016
Week 0