Just A Slice Of Life - My Purse

Whether you call it a purse, a handbag or a pocketbook, a mommy’s bag is usually crammed with the widest assortment of necessary items, completely unnecessary items and toys.  I decided to clean out my purse this week and suddenly realized that it resembled Mary Poppins’ carpet bag filled with the unimaginable.  As I took each item out I was amazed at how much crap was stuffed into a normal sized bag.  So, without further ado, Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the contents of my purse:

You are now thinking, “Holy Crap!!”

1.      A “Just Because” card for my sister, Becca
2.      Directions to Home Goods – That place is like the home section of Ross on steroids – in a word: Amazing!
3.      Directions to somewhere – not exactly sure where and not exactly sure why it was still in my purse
4.      Lotto ticket – I almost NEVER play the Lotto and yet this losing ticket has found a semi-permanent home in my purse
5.      Recipe for Rainbow Cake in Jars – this looks really cool and while I rarely bake and do not have a ready supply of mason jars in my cabinet, this seemed worth printing out
6.      Living Social deal for Lake Street Creamery – BEST ice cream truck. Period.
7.      DMV Registration – this is me being lazy at its finest – I was too stinkin’ lazy to take it out of my purse and put it into the glove compartment so instead I find it better to clutter my purse with it than to exert the energy to reach across the seats to put it away.
8.      Receipt for Bella’s Personalized Invitations – Thomas the Tank Engine invitations purchased for my son’s 3rd birthday party
9.      Edison bill – rest assured it got paid on autopay which makes me even wonder why it was in my purse to begin with
10.  Empty wood pill case – my mom gave me this pill case many years ago and every time I discover it in my drawer I decide to fill it with the essential Tylenol and Advil and then when the pills run out it sits in my purse empty FOREVER!
11.  Trinket toys from a vending machine
12.  ONE shoulder pad for the carseat in my husband’s car – it is seriously anyone’s guess where the other one is located and why we took them off to begin with
13.  Light saber toy from some fast food kids meal – my aunt occasionally eats fast food kids meals and gives the toys to H to play with.  He loves them!
14.  Little bouncy balls purchased at another 3rd birthday party for one of my son’s friends
15.  H’s gold medal – received during Olympics week at summer camp
16.  Generic Mucinex – just in case one of those nasty mucus characters from the commercials decides to take up residence, I am armed and ready.
17.  Receipts – not just one, not just a few but about 100 receipts that are not needed for taxes in April or for any returns – receipts are my enemy – I hate them and they hate me for sure!
18.  My sunglass clips – according to my husband these are just slightly cooler than the granny sunglasses I was wearing that go completely over your whole eyeglasses
19.  Glass cleaner cloth – brand new, never been used – too much effort to find that small cloth in my purse and much easier to grab my shirt.  And for those of you glass/sunglass enthusiasts, yes, I know using my shirt can add scratches but guess what? In the moment I need my glasses cleaned immediately, I don’t care about scratches – so there!!!
20.  H’s sunglasses – every cool kid needs a cool pair of sunglasses
21.  Sign-in/sign-out sheets from my son’s school – brilliant idea and I love seeing how his day was even if I don’t see his teachers at pick-up (but OH MAN those things have taken over my house – they are EVERYWHERE!)
22.  A set of keys that doesn’t actually have the key to our house on it – but it does have a really cool Los Angeles Kings keychain on it!
23.  My calendar – I hate electronic calendars – I like the good old-fashioned-use-a-pencil-write-it-down kind of calendar
24.  Eyedrops
25.  Quick drying nail polish – this stuff ROCKS!!  Dries in mere seconds because I absolutely have NO patience for sitting around fanning my hands while nail polish dries.
26.  Lipstick – I rarely wear it but apparently it made its way into my purse somehow
27.  Tissues – someone must have been sick recently
28.  Trimana pick up slips – Trimana is a decent cafeteria-ish chain restaurant that resides in the next building from my work and has quickly become the “go to” place for breakfast and/or lunch in a hurry.
29.  Paint samples – we just moved and I was DETERMINED to paint our walls – tired of the homogenous off white walls of apartment living.
30.  The aforementioned Thomas the Tank Engine birthday invite – cool huh?
31.  Work fob and bathroom key – essential daily usage right there!!
32.  Silly bands – I don’t understand these – someone please explain??? (they were gifted to my son who didn’t care and/or didn’t understand these either)
33.  Pretend ice cream that goes with one of H’s toy trains
34.  Change – anybody want my two cents??
35.  Chapstick/Blistex – most essential item in my purse – can’t leave home without it
36.  Watch – I don’t wear a watch anymore but I still love them.  Every now and then I will put one on and it bugs me so much that I end up taking it off and putting it in my purse.
37.  Tiffany & Co. pouch containing my necklace and bracelet – they were in my bag hoping to be taken to the store for a cleaning, but alas they are back in my jewelry box
38.  Small hair clip
39.  Jewelry – necklace, ONE gold earring (here we go again with only having ONE of a pair of something – again not sure why there is only one), and a pair of earrings – in case you couldn’t tell, I have a habit of removing necklaces, earrings, watches, etc. when they start to bug me.
40.  Wallet – almost completely empty!! Might as well be carrying around a brick since this is just essentially useless added weight unless I actually gather the cards from my purse to put into it.
41.  Two dinosaurs – never leave home without your extinct species replicas.
42.  Idina Menzel concert tickets – I CAN’T WAIT!!!! 
43.  El Pollo Loco coupon card thingy that is expired
44.  AAA card – why is it not in my wallet??
45.  Kaiser cards – in case you have never met me, I am a huge Kaiser lover!!  I have had the best care there, love all my doctors, love the nurses, all in one place kind of care!
46.  Costco card – I HEART COSTCO!!  One of those places where I go in for just a $5 cooked chicken and leave $200 poorer
47.  Debit card – I never carry cash (as you can see from this list – there is no cash – I’m a debit card user through and through)
48.  Small flashlight – H has a small fascination with flashlights
49.  Pen
50.  Two Denny’s crayons – yes, H was coloring the kids menu and I decided to “steal” the crayons when we left – they haven’t yet come in handy but I just know they will at some point.
51.  Salt – from a movie theater.  We almost NEVER go to the movies so I’m not exactly sure how I ended up with movie theater salt.
52.  Two Grape Jolly Ranchers – these things look absolutely gross having melted to the plastic wrapper and being covered in lint.  Appetizing, no?
53.  Dodge key
54.  Spare Dodge key with our spare Honda key – great idea to have both Dodge keys in one place because if I lock my purse in the car, I can easily just break the window then to get the spare out of the same purse…idiot!
55.  Underwood Family Farms tickets – we love this farm!! If you live in SoCal, take a drive to Moorpark with the kiddies.  You won’t regret it!
56.  Train tickets – for the train at the mall.  Going to the mall isn’t what it used to be.  Now it means train rides, carousel rides, and play area downtime. 
57.  Thomas the Train play set flyer – one of those “Collect them all” flyers that H loves to drool over and name every single train – How does he do that???  All the green ones look the same to me!!
58.  Pier 1 coupon / Sears coupon – didn’t use either one of these but we got them in the mail when we moved – a sort of “Welcome to the Neighborhood, Now Spend Money in our Store” kind of mailer
59.  Red heart lollipop – H gave them out at Valentine’s Day – kinda hoping this hasn’t been in my purse since February!
60.  Cars 2 Tickets – H’s first movie theater experience.  The movie was terrible and H lost interest quite quickly.  Hoping his next one is a little better. (But, hey! This must be how I got the movie theater salt!!!)
61.  Checks – as in checks I need to deposit
Well, there you have it my friends…a strange look into the Mary Poppins carpet bag that is my purse.  Only about a third of this stuff made it back into my purse but I am willing to bet my life savings (all $3 of it) that if we checked back in a month, we would be just as scared at the crap that managed to accumulate again.
Please tell me that one of you also has a purse like mine??  I am not alone, right??